I wrote this online recently. In case you missed this personal little musing (that arose from a gradual positive mental shift):
"A few weeks ago I received a comment saying how prolific I was. It was really nice to hear, but ironic considering 2018 was by far my least prolific year in the last decade of painting as my profession. In 2018 I created 13 new paintings, whereas my typical pace in previous years had been 3x to 4x times that. It's been 1.5 years since my wife went back to work (so we swapped places and I became the primary caretaker of our kids). If you've been following along, you'll know the transition has been a challenge. When I was full time, painting was an intense creative rollercoaster of ups and downs that never stopped. The professional highs and lows cycled quickly, and I liked it. In some ways, I even reveled in the financial pressure. In 2018 that cycle became a long, lazy undulation, with mild highs and sluggish lows. I'm creatively impulsive and impatient, so at first this was a source of frustration and anxiety. Never mind the injury to my ego that I was no longer the sole breadwinner for the family, a not-insignificant source of pride (and purpose) for me. My outlook has slowly changed over the course of 2018. With less creative time, I'm constantly forced to reevaluate: what am I doing and why the hell am I doing it? I usually don't have a clear answer, but I've begun to gradually refocus on major aspects of life that I'd largely neglected because "there isn't time". Even with all the time in the world, there was never enough time for work. I was always preoccupied with needing to create. Now that there's even less time than ever, I'm realizing that attitude was pretty toxic, laughable even. Sorry, this is going to be an unfinished thought, but I'm okay with that :). And this New Year's Day post is a little late, but that's perfectly fitting for my life now. Here was one of my first from 2018, "The Decantation" (12x12 oil on panel). Happy New Year and thanks for the ongoing support. [heart emoji] Have a great day."