I'm going to talk about something unrelated to painting and then I'll bring it back around, because I'm finding a lot of common threads here. Bear with me for a moment ;).
I began my training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu 5 months ago, and yesterday I competed in my first tournament. For those who are unfamiliar, BJJ is a grappling martial art in which the goal is to [usually] take the fight to the ground and submit your opponent via choke or joint lock. In training, you tap to signal your surrender, and everything is totally fine, but both parties have an understanding that the continuation of that position could have resulted in broken bones, torn ligaments, unconsciousness, or death. I've found that this momentarily complete dissolution of ego and the necessity for trust results in a training environment that is incredibly supportive and positive, and the people who stick with it are some of the friendliest and most generous people (of all ages and genders) that I've ever met.
Anyway, back to the tournament. My bracket had 3 people and so I had 2 matches. The first match was a draw. I felt good going in, but as soon as my opponent brought me to the ground I was like: "Ooooh shit, I'm already exhausted"-the adrenaline dump was crazy. Thankfully, I didn't panic, and it became a back-and-forth and I had my share of dominant positions, and we ran out the clock. The second match did not go well for me. Nerves and a brain fart resulted in a very sloppy/rushed take down attempt. My opponent secured an armbar (hyperextension of my elbow), I tried to escape it but failed, and at only 41 seconds into the match I had to tap.
My immediate reaction to the loss was intense frustration with myself. A bit later, I felt relief that it was over. And now, I feel anticipation to get back on the mats tomorrow evening and continue to learn, and eventually compete again.
As with painting, bjj is a learning process that has no end. My accumulated experience with painting has helped me to completely accept this aspect of bjj, and so I'm able to enjoy these beginning stages of bjj even more than I enjoyed first learning how to paint. Back then, everything was so urgent and it seemed that there was so much on the line. Now, with bjj, I have no "end goal"--my only desire is the continuation of learning, for as long as I can. This is so absolutely freeing. I'm trying to feed that attitude back around into my painting--being my career, it can be easy to forget.
I'm also seeing a lot of mutual benefit between bjj and my teaching experience. I definitely had a ton of nerves going into the competition, but those nerves would have been so much worse had I never taught workshops and given painting demonstrations. Performance under pressure has gradually become a little more familiar. At the competition I was like, "at least I don't have to do any public speaking" and now in any future painting performance situation, I can say to myself, "Hey, at least I'm not fighting for my life". Haha.
